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Joel : It was on 8-track. Gamera vs. Servo : Now do Operation Fuzzy Dice. Gamera [ edit ] Crow : Hey Joel, uh Joel : See, I told you guys it would work. Hidaka : The war even comes to this Eskimo village. Soon there won't be any peace anywhere. Joel : Like the turtle's gonna call out if he hears him. Gaos [ edit ] [While playing back phone messages left by viewers.

Gypsy : Yeah, grow a brain already! Zigra [ edit ] [A supertanker has just exploded in flames. Helen : I think he's so wonderful, I love Gamera! Joel : Keep your shirt on, honey. Guiron [ edit ] Servo : Six-year-olds and nuclear weapons: a combination that just can't be beat. Phase IV [ edit ] Crow : Looks kinda skinny. Must be a Carpenter ant. Carpenter ant. See 'cause— Joel : [horrified] Oh no Crow : Never mind. Joel : You don't mean that Servo : Ant-orexic.

Crow : [laughs] See? Servo got it. Servo : You know, ants can carry entire watermelons. And big chicken legs. Happened in The Flintstones. Crow : I had a chicken leg once. I had to wear corrective shoes. Servo : So Crow, if we ever get off this ship, what's the first thing you're going to do when we get to Earth?

Crow : Uh well the first thing I'm gonna do is kill Sandy Frank! Servo : Oh, that's just a given! Joel : What did you think, Servo? Servo : I thought it was pathetic. Crow : So deep, we should've been wearing boots. Servo : This made flying turtles look good. Cosmic Princess [ edit ] [Tony and Koenig watch a video of an "alien" — a man whose face shows through his pumpkin-shaped and -colored rubber mask. Servo : [deadpan] Ooh, very scary. I'm trembling. Crow : I think the prop department juuuust ran out of money. Servo [as Tony] : Tony : Joel, Crow, Servo : What?!

Joel : That's why they're in such trouble. Crow : Well, they are British. I had a knick on my Brimble once. Humanoid Woman [ edit ] Joel : The plot thickens. Servo : Like rancid pea soup. Fugitive Alien [ edit ] Joel : Just because you lost your hair, doesn't mean you have to take it out on the planet. Walsh : Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Walsh.

If you'll look out your windows, you'll see a sight that very few except the astronauts have ever seen. Servo [as Capt. Walsh] : An oncoming plane. Walsh : Although the sky above remains black… Crow [as Capt. Walsh] : … our wing is completely on fire, not unlike re-entry. We'll all be killed! Crow : I guess she's in charge of panicking. Servo [as Kingman] : Okay, all the actors form a line! Mighty Jack [ edit ] [The villain has shot himself, but his pet cat is still alive.

Superdome [ edit ] [Star quarterback Tom Selleck narrowly escapes death in a sabotaged hot tub. Super Bowl. Three hours from now the game will be history, but the lives of the players and fans alike will never be the same. Servo : [annoyed] Who won? Crow : I know I'll never be quite the same. Joel : This movie's history. Crow : We're history. Joel : Let's go. Servo hangs back. Who won? Who won the game?! City on Fire [ edit ] [After a helpful title card informs us that "What you are about to see could happen to any city, anywhere. It can happen in any city to any person. So wha— [Barry Newman's credit appears.

Servo : So stop watching TV and get ready for the big huge fire! The apocalypse that could happen this Sunday night. Crow : I bet this was made in Canada. Servo : Oui. Whitman : You all know "Follow the Leader"? Crow : This is called "Follow the Burning Doctor". Joel : Boil some water. Crow : Boil some newspapers! Crow : Kinda sorry Shelley bought it. Joel : Yeah Servo : She bought it, but we paid for it. Time of the Apes [ edit ] [In response to Keiiche Abe's writing credit. Crow : Try not to pay any attention to that hideous pattern. Tommy : I wonder if this is where I'm supposed to sing.

Joel : Good one, Frankie. We'll make fun of the movie, if you don't mind! Reporter : Everyone is asking the same question Servo : Why am I watching this? I'm starting to miss that part of the movie. Season 1 [ edit ] The Crawling Eye [ edit ] [Two mountain climbers have just spied the corpse of another. It was torn off! Servo : You say that like it's a bad thing. All stops lead to a bloody death. You will do as I say. Joel : What's a giant eye going to do, pick you up and wink you to death? Servo : I don't think outside is the best place for fresh air right now.

The Robot vs. This is my brother Xenon and my other brother Xenon. Commando Cody : Do you mind telling me why your men are carrying out that campaign of destruction on Earth? Servo [as Retik] : It's an election year. Retik : Not at all. They are merely softening up your defenses for our impending invasion. Commando Cody : Why do you want to invade the Earth? Retik : Because the atmosphere on the Moon has become so thin and dry, it is impossible for us to raise food, except in pressurized greenhouses. Joel [as Cody] : Get a humidifier!

Almada voices-over scenes of the doomed romance between Aztec maiden Xochi and warrior Popoca. Almada : So they decided to run away, even though it was her sacred duty to preserve her maidenhood and be sacrificed to the god Tezcatlipoca. Joel [as Dr. Almada] : The god of decaffeinated coffee. Almada : They were discovered by the tribal priests. Almada] : They prepared hearty soups and broths and forced them on their guests, for they truly knew how to handle a hungry man.

Krupp unveils his creation, a "human robot". Krupp : Tonight I'm going to put it to the supreme test! Joel : The Cosmo sex quiz? Mad Monster movie [ edit ] Servo : Why does he have to kill them to prove his point? Can't he just show them a pie chart or something? Blaine : Mingling the blood of man and beast is downright sacrilege!

Joel : Tell that to the NFL! Blaine is pacing around aimlessly instead of fulfilling his promise to Dr. Cameron that he'd inject Petro with Cameron's werewolf serum. You told him you would. Don't pad your part! Cameron has successfully turned his gardener into a werewolf and back again. Cameron] : That felt good Now I'm going to turn my daughter into a woodchuck. Fitzgerald : [viewing Cameron's lab] You seem to be excellently equipped. Servo [as Dr. Cameron] : Thank you! I didn't think you could tell through these trousers. Women of the Prehistoric Planet [ edit ] [Klutzy Lt.

Bradley demonstrates martial arts and winds up somersaulting to the ground. Bradley : Hi-keeba! Servo : You know, I could watch that all day. Bradley attempts comic relief. Farrell looks into the bubbling pond that swallowed a crewman. Scott and Lt. Karen Lamont gaze into each other's eyes. The Corpse Vanishes [ edit ] Radar Men from the Moon, Chapter 3 short [ edit ] The Corpse Vanishes movie [ edit ] [After a bride "dies" at the altar, two men carry her out on a stretcher, still in her poofy wedding dress.

Lorenz eagerly receives the white bundle in his hearse. Lorenz prepares to inject his wife with a hypodermic needle. Lorenz] : Now you might feel a little sting Lorenz shrieks loudly. Lorenz] : OK, a big sting. Crow : No one could hold a candle to him in this role. Well, maybe they could douse him in something flammable and then hold a candle to him. Joel : [chuckles] OK Crow : They were all so stupid , they tried to commit inconspicuous acts of murder on the most conspicuous day of a woman's life!

Joel : [impressed] You, my friend, get a RAM chip! The Crawling Hand [ edit ] [In a diner, some kids are dancing around a jukebox. The owner of the diner walks up and turns it off. Joel : This is just like Footloose. Joel [as Owner] : Unless they're on the menu. Is this From Here to Eternity? Servo : No, it just seems like an eternity. And you're "not with it"? Paul : "Stacked"?

Crow [as Paul] : "Stacked" means you're really smart. Police Officer : Did you hear anything Crow [as Officer] : The sound of one hand clapping? Weitzberg : Not a trace. Not a solitary trace. Joel : Must be a talent meter. Crow : Gesundheit. Joel : You're not supposed to do that Shoot him. That's your solution to everything. Something gets in your way, you pull out your little gun and you gotta shoot them. Well mister listen, someday there's going to be a flying Rocketeer behind you who's going to shoot back. Robot Monster movie [ edit ] [Space-helmeted, ape-like alien Ro-Man makes his first viewscreen contact with the last human survivors.

Listen to me! Due to an error in calculation, there are still a few of you left. Joel [as Ro-Man] : We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience it may have caused you. Calculate your chances. Negative, negative, negative. Crow : He's so negative! It's like, there's a guy in a gorilla suit, and there's— he's got a robot head, and inside he's got kind of a bunch of clay… I mean, I've seen Dali paintings that make more sense than this movie does.

Servo : Yeah, but I think there's a fine line between surrealism and costume-shop closeouts. I rest my case. Servo [as Ro-Man] : Me-man? Ro-Man : Yes. To laugh… feel… want… Why are these things not in The Plan?! Now I set you into motion. One — destroy the girl. Two — destroy the family. Fail, and I will destroy you. Joel [as Ro-Man] : Uh, what's number three? Do I get a choice? Servo [as Great Guidance] : Do not violate ape law! Johnny : I think you're just a big bully, picking on people smaller than you are!

The Slime People [ edit ] Radar Men from the Moon, Chapter 6 short [ edit ] [Joel and the Bots watch exactly the same opening credits they've seen five times before. Crow : Hip? The Slime People movie [ edit ] [After landing at a deserted L. Let me try again. Let's see… "zero". Crow [as Answering Machine] : Hi. This is the human race. We're not in right now. Please speak clearly after the sound of the bomb. Crow : But stupidity hammers on deserted buildings. Servo : Even in Tijuana! Blonde hair. Servo : Yeah, you can usually find a blonde hair in a field of wheat. Crow : At night.

Joel : In a fog. Crow : Hey Tom : What? Joel and the bots start booing and throwing things at the screen Robot Holocaust movie [ edit ] [Valeria is torturing Jorn with some electrical device, but he refuses to talk. Towque, you ah to leave the poweh station and intewcept the gwoup that appwoaches us. And, when you weach them, the fiwst thing you are to do… is kill the guwl.

Do you unduhstand? Torque : Yes! Valeria : Do you unduhstand, old man? Servo : Yeah! It's young girl I don't understand.

hysterical for harvard a jake logan private tutor mystery Manual

Valeria : Yuh doughter will be destwoyed. You will neveh see herw again! Now, do you wish to say anything? Joel [as Jorn] : Yeah. Do you know Elmer Fudd? Valeria : Vewy well. Towque, go now. Daffy Duck? Crow : Gutter head. Moon Zero Two [ edit ] [Joel and the Bots enter the theater as the animated credits play. Joel : Yeah. Servo : Really bad music already, this is great.

Servo : Is this a Pink Panther movie? Servo : Why would they use cartoons? Joel : Uh, so astronauts could understand them. Servo : [dubiously] Ah. Kemp : He's probably waiting at Moon City. Clementine : Mmm, that's what the man said. Kemp] : Don't you listen to what the man says. Korminski, isn't it? Your engineer? What nationality is he?

Servo [as Farmhand] : Well, that's my brother-cousin. He likes sody-pop. This is how their image of prison is. Jane : Penny went up to the boss's house, and she's still there! And it doesn't take an hour and a half to sing a song. Crow : Maybe it's Aida. Bob Steele : That's the worst part about it — she… she dies in a strange place without friends or anybody, and nobody even knows her name.

Crow : She shoulda died at Cheers — then everyone woulda known her name. Joel : What in the world does that mean? Servo : I don't wanna know. The Black Scorpion [ edit ] [Images of the erupting volcano are followed by onlookers watching the spectacle. Joel : Guys, get out of the way! That's why you're dying! Narrator : … having reached a height of 9, feet within a few days… Servo [as Narrator] : And then tragedy struck — we ran out of stock footage!

Maybe we can get some water up there. Artur : Also, I'd like to save those two bottles of beer. Let me dip it in water first. Joel : Hey, it's Dale Evans, and I thought she was stuffed! Crow : Only mounted. Velazco reviews their situation. Velazco : But we have a few advantages against this enemy. First— Servo [as Velazco] : We're small.

We can run fast. Velazco : Plus, we have the daylight hours to try to find and destroy it. Secondly, they're somewhat slow and lethargic. Crow [as Velazco] : And we have giant foot pincers! Uh, no, wait — that's the scorpion's good point. Canned people. Scorpions just love trains. Crow : I'm for it. Joel [as Tooter Turtle] : Hellllp, Mr. Crow [as Other Astronaut] : Nonsense! Servo [as King Arthur] : Run away! Run away!

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Joel [as Tooter Turtle] : I don't wanna be an astronaut anymore! We gotta get outta here, Scooby! Crow [as Mr. Wizard] : Dreezle drazzle drozzle drome! Servo [as Mr. Wizard] : Time for zis vun to come home! Nothing more depressing than being locked in a capsule watching a movie about people dying in a capsule.

Joel : Yeah, why couldn't you just show us Marooned? Forrester : We couldn't get it! The Sidehackers [ edit ] [Rommel and Rita roll around in some grass while the scene fades using a white-out effect] Joel : This grass Paisley : Why can't I reach you? Crow : There's a ladder in the way. Crow : Not a good brother Big Jake : He hit Big Jake! Jungle Goddess [ edit ] The Phantom Creeps, Chapter 1 short [ edit ] [Crow continues his Lugosi monologue about the actors as the credits list the remaining players.

I say, " Shoot the picture! Let God sort it out. Of course, that wouldn't mean anything to you, either. Kronotite is stuff that they use in the manufacture of atomic energy. Joel [as Mike] : Saps all your powers if you're a visitor from a foreign planet. It's kronotite. Mike : Are you sure? Bob : I'd stake my life on it. Crow : That's already in the kitty, Bob. Crow : White fascist getting smart?

School must've assigned you a keeper. Don Pringle : Don Pringle. Crow [as Don] : Heir to the potato chip fortune. I hate impressionists! Servo : Prince , I hope you're watching this! Joel : I think a certain teen idol is hopped up on goofballs! Crow : Little Richard: the one true talent in this film! Katrina : His name is Angelo. Various Cascades : Yeah!

Let's do something. Rocket Attack U. Joel hosts. What three word slogan was coined during the Cold War as a schoolchild's best defense against an A-bomb attack? Servo : Uh, uh, uh, duck and cover? Joel : Could you state in the form of a desperate cry to God to save you from an unholy death, please? Joel : Is right for five points.

Joel [as Manston] : That's why we've got to crush them! Joel : You mean an actor becoming President? Joel [as voice on other end] : Hello, are you wearing rubber underwear? General : Yes! Crow : [After a car has taken an abnormally long time to park] Nobody will be admitted during the breathtaking car-parking sequence!

And I had the A. Mather gets off the phone with his girlfriend. Life does begin at My legs are old, my teeth are grey… [The scene in the graveyard fades to a close-up of a desk] Crow : I'm a lamp. The Phantom Creeps, Chapter 3 short [ edit ] [Dr. Zorka shows the chauffeur the "source of his power," which looks like a patterned cube] Crow [as Bela Lugosi] : It's called a Rubiks Cube. Don't screw it up! Wild Rebels [ edit ] [Outside a bar, a scruffy motorcycle gang with skulls-and-crossbones on their jackets dismount and enter.

Don't eat 'em. Servo : If you take these bikers internally, do not induce vomiting. Crow : Nah, the movie'll do that for you. Like an ipecac. Joel : An epa— oh, that Genesis album? Joel [as Adman] : You beat the stuffing out of three preppies and given away the girl, but before the day is through, you'll take enough drugs to kill a horse. Now, it's Miller Time! Also, see beautifully taken photos of elephants in their natural habitat. Since Tim is interested in sports, he volunteers the Math Club to help run the entire event.

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In the first twelve years of life, the habits, beliefs and mindset of our children are being formed! By: Howard VanEs. Experience 50 of the very best ab and stomach exercises from Yoga, Pilates and other fitness modalities. They have been carefully selected for their ability to produce quick results and are fun to do.

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Professional tax software is discussed as well as what you will need to get started. Suggestions that can reduce your start-up cost significantly are out-lined alone with ways to get the necessary experience to build your confidence and increase your income. How to learn online, without having to leave home to, how to dominate your local area as the go-to-tax person are discussed.

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By: SJ Scott. By: J. Spellbound is about the adventures of two young people, twin sisters who have known community and family their entire lives. Along the way, they befriend a mysterious stranger who has been alone for as long as he can remember. After strange events touch all their lives, the three find themselves drawn together and then embroiled in a plot to overthrow the Kingdom of Illyander by an ancient enemy long thought dead.

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By: Bryan Peterson. Always wanted to be a runner but never quite sure of the steps to take to get started? By: Amy Hagerup. Struggling to lose weight and keep it off? By: Alexander G. Is your son or daughter fascinated with the stars and space? Solar System! Look at the origins of the solar system, a look at the eight planets, moons, comets and the universe. This ebook is the perfect learning tool for kids. By: P. Planet Earth! Our Home! Our World! Learn all about what makes Planet Earth the most special planet in the Solar System.

A Kids Book About Dinosaurs. Learn about the Prehistoric Animals that roamed the Earth for over million years. Take this journey through the Age of Dinosaurs to learn about 15 amazing dinosaurs. Learn about the anatomy, feeding habits and behavior of many of the most fascinating dinosaurs that ever lived. Nelson Goes To The Dentist. By: Solomon Adeyemo. By: Sandie Lee. By: Phillip Fitzsimmons. The Monsters Almanac is a delightfully scary read for kids ages 5 to By: Betty Palatin.

Jane Has a Halloween Dream is a fun journey into counting for your beginning listeners and learners. The Myth of Sparta begins with the death of Leonidas, the Lion of Sparta, and the famous three hundred Spartans at the battle of Thermopylae and culminates in a dramatic retelling of the battle of Sphacteria, a battle which dramatically dealt with the question of Spartan invincibility. By: Krystal Kuehn. In Anger Management: What You Need to Know When Dealing with Anger, not only will you get plenty of anger management techniques and tools to help in dealing with anger, you will get encouragement and hope as well.

You will be empowered to take control of your life. You will be guided along a path to freedom, inner peace, true strength, greater self-control and confidence, and a new outlook. We have 24 hours a day to work with and we need to make every minute count. We need to make every minute count without stressing ourselves out. Sometimes it feels like all of the great leaders are gone.

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You will learn: -How to develop leadership presence -How to become more innovative as a leader -How to become more decisive as a leader -How to develop your backbone without being unfriendly -How to take the initiative as a leader People are counting on you. Will you lead your followers in the right direction? By: Derek Stanzma. You will get an in-depth look at how to lead effectively and efficiently.

By: Peyton Prime. Welcome to the land of funny contrasts, happy people and delicious tapas! By: Jack Davies. It explains everything you need to know, from practically foolproof keyword research to product creation, and website flipping. By: David Loeff. The handbook supplies a quick overview of what graphic design entails, and offers a starting point for getting printed projects on track.

It describes the advantages and disadvantages of digital and traditional printing, how to plan a marketing budget, cut printing costs, and avoid costly mistakes. By: Melody Anne. Jayden and Phoenix fall in love in spite of the battles around them and lean on their friends and family along the way. Jayden has to make the decision to choose good or evil.

Will Phoenix stay human, or become immortal and join Jayden? Can she give up her friends and family? Will she have to choose. By: Katie Hayoz. Sylvie has been best friends with Cassie forever. Devastated, Sylvie intends to get Kevin by any means possible, even if it involves treachery, deceit, and the dark side of astral projection. Legends of Leone: The Crystal Ordeal.

Children Of Genesis. By: Toby Minton. Teen siblings Nikki and Michael have been on their own since they were six. Diary of the Gone. Entwined Courage. By: Tracy Lane. Suddenly Aurora is th. By: Dee Ankary. This is where Foolproof Kindle Covers comes in. By: Chloe M. Giving you biblical insight, dating tips, and instruction to help you remain pure in your walk. Not Tonight will help you with : Dealing with Sexual Frustrations and how to have victory over them.

How to date the right way without compromising your beliefs. By: Buck Hanno. Ratfish is a classic tale of sex, violence, and mutated animal parts in a blender. Second Edition. By: Edward P. Ever wonder what the Founding Fathers would think of America today? By: Brian Gast. This book contains the astonishing confessions of a serial entrepreneur and a CEO of one of the fastest-growing telecom companies in the world.

By: Fraser J. Struggling with your marketing? By: Alonso Esposito. Through this book, you are offered an alternative curriculum to the theory of evolution, that properly timelines the Bible, from the Book of Genesis through the Book of Revelations. Romance The Distant Shore. The Stone Trilogy, Book I. By: Mariam Kobras. He drops everything to find the boy, and his mother, the girl he loved so many years ago who left him when his rock n roll life became too much for her to bear. The Available Tart. Close: A New Adult Thriller.

By: Helen Conrad. My Billionaire Book 1. He was tall with long, black hair. By: Mike and Jo Coad. This book is the second of a series based on the blogs that we wrote whilst on our travels around Asia. By: by Ned Campbell. Paleo Beginners Cookbook explains the how Paleo diet is really a more holistic and complete approach to food-related well-being than other trendy diets on the market. Unlike the omnivorous low-fat model of the typical caveman diet held by many researchers, The Paleo diet allows you to feel healthy, lose weight and improve your energy level.

Let Worldly be your guide. Every Thursday, senior writer Zack Beauchamp, senior foreign editor Jennifer Williams, and staff defense writer Alex Ward give you the history and context you need to make sense of the moment and navigate the world around you. Each week, Ezra Klein brings you far-reaching conversations about hard problems, big ideas, illuminating theories, and cutting-edge research.

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What Barack Obama regrets in Obamacare? The dangers Yuval Harari sees in our future? What Michael Pollan learned on psychedelics? The lessons Bryan Stevenson learned freeing the wrongly convicted on death row? The way N. Jemisin imagines new worlds? This is the podcast for you. Switched on Pop reveals the secret formulas that make pop songs so infectious.